What's the difference between a literalist and a kleptomaniac? A literalist will take everything literally. A kleptomaniac will take everything, literally.
Why do people with crossed eyes have difficulty keeping relationships? They can't help seeing other people on the side.
Why did the bank teller push over an old lady? Because she wanted to check her balance.
They say that no two people see colors the same way. Is color a pigment of your imagination?
That person is booking it for the library!