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They say that no two people see colors the same way. Is color a pigment of your imagination?

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Steering Wheel

7 November 2017

I saw a pirate with a steering wheel on his pants and I brought it to his attention. He simply responded "Aye, it's driving me nuts!"


7 November 2017

When coral gets stressed out, they die. Their most stressing topic? Current events, though it comes in waves.


24 May 2017

You allergic to corn? No? Good I've got some corny jokes for you.

Bone Specialist

16 May 2017

I had a friend who adjusted bones for a living in Egypt. He was a Cairo-practor.

Walt Disney

10 April 2017

"Walt, which part of your leg is hurting?" Walt points to left kneecap "Dis knee."

Head in the Sand

23 March 2017

A coworker said that you can't have a growth mindset if you stick your head in the sand. I simply told him that you can't grow if you don't have your roots planted.


7 March 2017

In the old west, artists would get in fights and settle them by seeing who could paint a gun first. I guess the winner was the one who drew a weapon faster.

Microsoft Office

14 February 2017

I used to be very good with Microsoft Office. My skills Excel others'. I had a great Outlook on my skills until you stole it. I'll get it back though, you have my Word.

Dream Doctor

27 December 2016

A guy goes to a psychiatrist. "I keep having these alternating
recurring dreams. First I'm a teepee, then I'm a canopy. Then I'm a
teepee again, then I'm a canopy. What's wrong with me? I'm going crazy!" The doctor replies, "It's very simple. Relax, you're two tents."


27 December 2016

A proton walks into the bar and asks the bartender for a $150 bottle of whiskey. The bartender asks if he's sure, and the proton responds "I'm positive."


27 December 2016

A neutron goes into a bar and asks the bartender, "How much for a
beer?" The bartender replies, "For you, no charge."

No pun intended

27 December 2016

Did. Did. Did. Did. Did. Did. Did. Did. Did. Did.

No pun intendid.

Eating a Pencil

20 December 2016

I ate a pencil once. I digested that sucker the old natural way. Yes, it was in fact a number 2 pencil.

Groan Up

6 October 2016

I used to love puns as a kid, but then someone told me puns are bad. I guess, that was the day I became a groan up.

Can't Wear Leather

6 October 2016

You might think that because you're a vegetarian, you can't wear leather. I assure you, your opinion can be suede.