I started writing my name in cursive. It's my signature move.
I used to have a job making origami but the company folded
I make a lot of dad jokes but not being a parent it's a real faux pa.
I practiced calligraphy then became a cake decorator. My handwriting was just icing on the cake.
I used to work as an optometrist but I got fired because I lost focus.
I used to be a doctor but I got fired because I lost my patience.
I used work as a professional scuba diver, but I couldn't handle the pressure.
I named my dog Whiskey because he's a hard licker.
I used to work as a nighttime sniper. My job was nice, but knowing how it would all turn out was always a shot in the dark.
I fired someone at the helium factory today. I couldn't stand being spoken to in that tone of voice.
I got fired from the bomb squad yesterday. It's a shame because I had a blast on my first day.
Pregnant women are the only real body builders.
What kind of street does a ghost like the best? A dead end.
If you don't pay for your exorcism, will you be repossessed?
Why did the haunted house dislike storms? Rain dampens its spirits.