I practiced calligraphy then became a cake decorator. My handwriting was just icing on the cake.
I used to work as an optometrist but I got fired because I lost focus.
I used to be a doctor but I got fired because I lost my patience.
I used work as a professional scuba diver, but I couldn't handle the pressure.
I named my dog Whiskey because he's a hard licker.
I used to work as a nighttime sniper. My job was nice, but knowing how it would all turn out was always a shot in the dark.
I fired someone at the helium factory today. I couldn't stand being spoken to in that tone of voice.
I got fired from the bomb squad yesterday. It's a shame because I had a blast on my first day.
Pregnant women are the only real body builders.
What kind of street does a ghost like the best? A dead end.
If you don't pay for your exorcism, will you be repossessed?
Why did the haunted house dislike storms? Rain dampens its spirits.
Gravity batteries have interesting potential.
What do you call a mean cow with a twitch? Beef jerky.
Good puns about steaks are a rare medium well done.