Free guitar. Completely free. No strings attached.
What gas weighs the least? Butane. It's a lighter fluid.
Don't believe everything you see at the Oscars. Everyone is a paid actor.
Why can't a nose be 12 inches long? Because then it'd be a foot!
I find if I get tired from running, I just have to stop running behind cars. It's exhausting.
I have twin daughters. One's name is Kate, the other, Duplikate.
Why do cats like bread? So they can loaf around the house.
What's the difference between a hippo and a Zippo? One is really heavy and the other is a little lighter.
A well developed joke always has a photo finish.
I dumped a bucket of red paint on someone I thought was wearing a fur jacket. They weren't. I really mis-red the situation.
I have a friend who's very rich. It's from all the fortune cookies they ate.
What kind of bagels fly? A plain bagel!
What do you call a protagonist with abnormally good hearing? A Super Hearo.
Why do bunnies get mad when they're covered in warm blankets? They always become hot cross bunnies.
Why did Karl Marx fail his grammar class in school? He couldn't capitalize.