My kid was caught eating wires. I've grounded them until they've learned to conduct themselves properly.
I live next to a coin manufacturing plant. My house is valuable because it’s near mint!
I lathered myself up in butter just to see what would happen. I went downhill pretty quickly after that.
I saw an ad that said "Buy one house, get roof free". I guess that means the roof is on the house.
I like to listen to drum solos over and over again, but I'm afraid of any possible repercussions.
What do you call a cow with a sunburn? Roast beef.
Did you hear about the excitement for the new Lego set? People were lined up for blocks!
What blood type results in grammatical errors on a keyboard? Type-O.
Why aren't fence posts any fun? They're all just a stick in the mud.
Free guitar. Completely free. No strings attached.
What gas weighs the least? Butane. It's a lighter fluid.
Don't believe everything you see at the Oscars. Everyone is a paid actor.
Why can't a nose be 12 inches long? Because then it'd be a foot!
I find if I get tired from running, I just have to stop running behind cars. It's exhausting.
I have twin daughters. One's name is Kate, the other, Duplikate.