The best part about being a Web Browser is all the free cookies.

The best thing about Booleans is that even if you're wrong, you're only off by a bit.

Log backups are generally a good thing to have unless it's in the toilet.

The telemarketer respected peoples' privacy by putting his name on the neck of his shirt. This way he'd have a collar id.

My calculator is really something I can count on.

Get this on a shirt

I only give away dead batteries; free of charge that is.

Being number 1 is odd.

I have a large collection of candy canes. They're all in mint condition.

A guy goes to a psychiatrist. "I keep having these alternating
recurring dreams. First I'm a teepee, then I'm a canopy. Then I'm a
teepee again, then I'm a canopy. What's wrong with me? I'm going crazy!" The doctor replies, "It's very simple. Relax, you're two tents."

A proton walks into the bar and asks the bartender for a $150 bottle of whiskey. The bartender asks if he's sure, and the proton responds "I'm positive."