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My friends go with me when we try new foods. They're my taste buds.

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30 June 2022

I don't have any friends named Lance, but I'm sure if I lived in medieval times, I'd have friends named Lance a Lot.


2 April 2021

I have a friend who's very rich. It's from all the fortune cookies they ate.


25 February 2021

I wanted to use my friend's trampoline but they told me to bounce.


5 December 2020

My friend fell into an upholstery machine. He was recovered.


23 November 2020

My friend makes a million dollars a day. He works at the mint.


6 October 2020

Why can't ghosts go trick or treating with friends? They have no body to go with.


28 May 2019

Don't ever become friends with a mountaineer. Things tend to get rocky. It's a rough relationship to say the least.

House Boats

24 May 2019

My best friend lived in the house boat next door. We eventually drifted apart though.


22 October 2018

My friend wanted to buy a camouflage jacket, but I couldn't see them wearing it.


19 September 2018

My friend moved into a new house, so I bought them an elephant for their room. They thanked me but I said "Don't mention it".

Pencil Theft

31 July 2018

My friend stole my pencil. A line was drawn that day.