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My friend makes a million dollars a day. He works at the mint.

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8 May 2023

I used to have a job making origami but the company folded


30 September 2022

I practiced calligraphy then became a cake decorator. My handwriting was just icing on the cake.


17 August 2022

I used to work as an optometrist but I got fired because I lost focus.


14 August 2022

I used to be a doctor but I got fired because I lost my patience.

Scuba Diver

12 August 2022

I used work as a professional scuba diver, but I couldn't handle the pressure.


25 June 2022

I used to work as a nighttime sniper. My job was nice, but knowing how it would all turn out was always a shot in the dark.

Helium Factory

10 November 2021

I fired someone at the helium factory today. I couldn't stand being spoken to in that tone of voice.

Bomb Squad

7 November 2021

I got fired from the bomb squad yesterday. It's a shame because I had a blast on my first day.

Trash Collector

18 March 2021

I got a job as a garbage man, but didn't have any training. I picked it up as I went along.


23 February 2021

I used to work at a shoe factory but got fired because I didn't put any soul into my work.


27 January 2021

I have a pet who loves to float and signal boats in the water. He's a good buoy.

Financial Advisor

15 June 2020

I thought about being a financial advisor. With my background in money, it makes a lot of cents.


26 May 2020

I got fired from my job at the keyboard factory. I wasn't putting in enough shifts.


1 April 2020

How do morticians make money? They urn it.

Lock Picking

24 March 2020

I got a career through learning lock picking. It's opened up so many doors.