I lathered myself up in butter just to see what would happen. I went downhill pretty quickly after that.
What do you call a cow with a sunburn? Roast beef.
The baseball stadium announced giving away vaccines with the purchase of a hotdog. Who needs hotdog and a beer when you can have a hotdog and shot?
I have a friend who's very rich. It's from all the fortune cookies they ate.
What kind of bagels fly? A plain bagel!
I accidentally swallowed food coloring. The doctor says I'm fine but I feel like I'm dyeing inside.
I tend to believe anything oranges say because they have a tang of truth to them.
My friends go with me when we try new foods. They're my taste buds.
Why do Farmers like dubstep? They love it when the beet drops.
My waffle maker made tiny waffle cars. It's the only time I enjoyed a traffic jam.
When do astronauts eat? At launch time!
When I'm sad, I like to make pork roast. This gives me a shoulder to cry on.
Why is it amazing that pumpkins are around on Halloween. They're usually flat from being squashed.
Where does ground beef go to dance? The meatball!
What can a whole apple do that a half apple can't do? It can look round.