I'm going to teach you to cook. Lettuce begin. First you pick your fish for the halibut. Add some seasonings lightly, don't run out of thyme now!

To argue against a fact, I used a ruler in my kitchen as a counter measure.

Friend: "Orion's Belt is a big waist of stars."
Me: "Terrible joke. Only 3 stars".

https://twitter.com/techoglot/status/909537169995325441

That person is booking it for the library!

Image of two tents across from each other, with a dog in each looking across from each other. The caption: "this is an in tents stare down"

Image: Picture of a Koala with the caption: "What do you mean I'm not a bear, I have all of the koalifications"

The inventor of the knock knock joke received a no-bell-prize.

Where would you go, if you were thirsty for a carbonated drink, but not that thirsty? Minisoda

Can you imagine how much deeper the ocean would be if it weren't for sponges?

Where do pencils go on vacation? Pencilvania.