Whenever I get a picture taken of me, I'm always disposing saliva through my mouth. I guess that must just be a spitting image of me.

In the old west, artists would get in fights and settle them by seeing who could paint a gun first. I guess the winner was the one who drew a weapon faster.

I knew a guy who lost everything below his left ankle. He was 1 foot shorter from then on.

I knew a guy who's foot was a mile long. Trimming his toenails was a big feet.

Did you hear about the person who left the party early by throwing a package of hay at people? I guess you could say they baled.

Why are Assembly programmers always wet? They work below C level.

They say that the average doesn't always represent the data accurately. I guess it just doesn't mean much.

Do you cough so much that your coworkers won't let you cough at work? Need a place to cough in? Buy a coffin!

I used to be very good with Microsoft Office. My skills Excel others'. I had a great Outlook on my skills until you stole it. I'll get it back though, you have my Word.

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