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I find if I get tired from running, I just have to stop running behind cars. It's exhausting.
I have twin daughters. One's name is Kate, the other, Duplikate.
Why do cats like bread? So they can loaf around the house.
What's the difference between a hippo and a Zippo? One is really heavy and the other is a little lighter.
A well developed joke always has a photo finish.
I dumped a bucket of red paint on someone I thought was wearing a fur jacket. They weren't. I really mis-red the situation.
I have a friend who's very rich. It's from all the fortune cookies they ate.
What kind of bagels fly? A plain bagel!
What do you call a protagonist with abnormally good hearing? A Super Hearo.
I saw an improv show the other day starring mimes. The performance and show was spectacular, but that goes without saying.
Why didn't the Pilgrims wear hats for Thanksgiving?
They had to loosen their buckles to make room for seconds!
Why didn't the Pilgrims wear hats for Thanksgiving? They had to loosen their buckles to make room for seconds!